Sunday, August 2, 2009My husband had just left that day for Traverse City when that evening I felt a lump on my left breast along the bra band. At first I thought it was just my rib, maybe a little swollen. After comparing it with the right breast, I realized it was different from the left and couldn't believe it was actually a breast lump. I was thinking this just can't be happening and my heart just sunk. I was down and it was late and there was nothing I can do that night so I went to bed. The next morning, Monday, I kept trying to call my family doctor but couldn't get through so I called Toledo Hospital to schedule a Mammogram. I told them that I couldn't get ahold of my doctor and needed a mammogram appt. right away and asked if there was any cancellations that day. They said, " how about 8:30am tomorrow morning?"
I said, "I'll be there." I think they said they'll get ahold of my doctor for the referral. I didn't want to tell my husband for he was on vacation with our son, I knew if I told him, he would worry and come back home. I decided to wait until after I have the mammogram when I know more of what I'm dealing with.
Tuesday, August 3, 2009
I went to Toledo Hospital for my mammogram, haven't had one since my baseline at age 36. I told them that I found a lump and they put a marker on it in that area and took digital images and told me that this was the newest state of the art technology that is more accurate and shows more detail. After the mammogram, they performed an ultrasound of the lump in my breast, I saw a large mass showed up on the monitor and it looked huge to me. I asked if that was the tumor and she replied, "yes." I asked if the tumor was really that big and she replied that it was a medium size lump measuring 2cm.
The breast cancer doctor told me the results of my mammogram and said it came back negative. I told him it's there I can feel it. He said there is a lump that showed up on the ultrasound but didn't show up on the mammogram because my tissues were too dense. The doc said it's probably nothing to worry about that it was probably just a cyst but said I might want to make an appointment with my family doctor to get a referral for a surgeon to get a biopsy done, that that's the only way you'll know for sure that its not cancer. I asked if he can do it now. He replied, "the biopsy, yeah I can do it now, do you want to do it now? I said yes, "that's why I'm here today, I'm concerned". He then asked, "Do you have any place I have to be in the next half hour? No, nothings more important right now. Doc said he would need to set up and will need to call Dr. Elizabeth Hoffman to get a referral for the procedure. They tried to call several times to Dr. Hoffman and were waiting on a call back from her. At this time, I called my mother and told her about the lump and that I was getting a biopsy done it, she says it's probably just a cyst that she gets them all the time. After waiting awhile for a returned call from Dr. Hoffman, The Doc decided to go a head with the needle biopsy and get the referral later. The doc inserted a needle into my breast into the tumor as I watched the needle poking the tumor on the ultrasound screen. After the Doc got the specimen, I asked him what he thought. Doc said, "before the biopsy, I was 50/50 on it, now that I did the biopsy, I say there's about 25% chance you could be cancer but I really think it's just a cyst for as I was doing the biopsy, the lump changed in shape leading me to believe that it's not solid". The Doc further said, " I don't want to say too much, you'll have to wait for the lab results". lump
So I went home feeling relieved, thinking I just have a cyst in my breast. I called my husband in Traverse City and told him about the lump, mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy. I told him that it was nothing to worry about that the Doc thinks the lump is just a cyst and should have the lab results back in a couple of days. My husband did come home the next day.
Thursday, August 4, 2009
Early afternoon, my husband was out front working in the yard when I answered the phone, it was my family doctor, Dr. Beth. she made small talk, asking about my son and talked a little of her son. Dr. Beth then said she has my lab results and I said, "ok". She then said, 'it is positive" and again I said, "ok" and was just shocked with this news. Dr. Beth said, " We're going to move quickly with this, remove the lump, take a look at your lymph nodes and decide where we need to go from there. All I could say is "ok" and felt numb. Dr. Beth said she's going to get me in to see a breast care surgeon in the next couple of weeks and asked if I have one in mind, I told her, Dr. Butler. Dr. Beth said, "I'm sorry, I hate telling you like this over the phone but I don't want to delay this, we're going to take care of this." Dr. Beth further said, I couldn't believe this myself, you're young and always been so healthy." I hung up the phone, and couldn't believe what I just heard, I'm now living my worst fear, I have breast cancer!
I remained calm and didn't cry but had all these thoughts and fears in my head," Am I going to die?", "My son living without his mother", "What stage is my breast cancer, has it spread?", "Is it in my lymph nodes?", "I, now have to tell my husband and how am I going to tell my 7 year old son?" All of a sudden nothing else mattered, I have breast cancer! Not going to worry about jobs, money or material things because right now it doesn't matter, I'm going to die! I now had to go outside and break the bad news to my husband of 17 years after I assured him not to worry that I'll be Ok. I went outside and my husband asked me, "Who was on the phone?" I told him, "Dr. Beth". I think he asked, "What did she want?" I told him that she had my lab results and that they were positive, "I have breast cancer' and detailed him in on my conversation. The look on his face, he was just devastated. My husband broke down crying and grabbed me and held me in his arms and telling me, he's sorry. I still couldn't cry and kept telling him that I will be ok as I felt how much he was hurting. At this time, our mail lady approached us on the porch and asked what was wrong. I told her that I had just found out a few minutes ago from a call from my doctor that I have breast cancer and told her what was going on.
Now, our concern was how we're going to tell our son. We decided not to tell him at this time until after we see the surgeon and decide from there on how much to tell him. It was getting close to the time to pick our son up and we're thinking about how we're going to keeping our composure around our son without losing it. I went over to my mother's house and told her of the news, she was shocked and couldn't believe it for she had had lumps removed from her breast twice and they were benign. My husband had called both of his parents and told them of my cancer. I got a call back from Dr. Butler's office and a consultation visit was scheduled for in 2 weeks. 2 weeks of worry, still not knowing how bad my breast cancer was and not having any answers to the questions running through my head. I immediately took a leave of absence from my jobs as I had several medical appointments and constantly on the run for blood work, MRI, other testings, etc. and just trying to keep head together.
